on enjoying things
Good morning. I think that "special interest" is a term that is as vast and wide as the spectrum itself but has been reduced to one specific look. The house full of sharks, loving a single character so much you cosplay them and have every piece of merch ever made, becoming a geologist because it's the only thing you could ever think of doing. Being all consumed by one single thing feels like the modern equivalent to "he likes trains." It did good to put awareness of special interests on the map, but it too has become pretty rigid. It's where people like you and I can feel even more alienated.
I'll talk about how I like things because even from you it's different. I am an extreme introvert, to the point where being asked to SPEAK about the things I like feels perverse and uncomfortable. It's not great, it makes it hard for people to get to know me and understand why I like the things I like. I work on it, same as you, but it's a constant reminder that I like things wrong too. Who would love something so much they never want to talk about it?? Rhetorical question, the answer: me. Thinking about the things I love brings me infinitely more enjoyment than going through the effort to put it into words and still get it wrong. In the exhibition I just wrote for one of the lines went: "To put their meaning to words would in turn diminish that meaning. To explain myself would sabotage my self." I know that is very personalized to me, and accepting that I work and think and enjoy differently is a battle worth fighting. Because I LOVE the things I love. I am just scared to name them and be put on the stand, so to speak.
I am coming out of the busiest weekend ever being completely surrounded by family and doing capital S Stuff every single day. I don't like doing Stuff. I cannot do Stuff much longer than a weekend before I crash hard. So that's where I'm coming from right now, but this is always topical for me. Especially since practically no one in my life even knew I was going to be in an exhibition and displaying my writing for the first time this week. Sorry guys! I just have to do things without a single set of eyes on me; then I can come out of the woodwork and celebrate.
As far as community, I don't know either. I think I am at the point where I am learning to fulfill and validate myself with little to no external input. It's not great, it is still lonely, but it's better to me than crying into the void asking WHERE ARE MY PEOPLE. I am my people.