apparel autonomy.
i washed a tube of cherry chapstick with my laundry this week. my allergies have gotten more and more severe every year of my life, and this year the new feature is that my upper lip is rough. that numb sort of chapped that aches when you eat something salty. the rough patch started in may and it is almost september now. so, i have to keep something on me to moisturize it at all times. i thought i checked all my pockets, but i found the empty tube. and then i found the effects. little pink grease spots all over my clothes, and since i tend to slip into routine i wear the same capsule of items over and over again, now all spotted in pink. it's just chapstick and they are just clothes, and i am not actually as annoyed as i thought i would be. it took a minute for me to understand why, but it's because i did it to myself. i am used to ruined clothes, i come from a family of people who don't check and don't care, shrugging it off even if they ruin something that isn't theirs. my clothing has no autonomy in my family's space, it is part of the collective mess that could be used as a loaner or a dish rag at any time. but i did this. no one else. and i will fix it. no one else.